1. Listen. Just listen.Sometimes we bottle up our emotions because we feel like nobody cares or nobody wants to listen. I am guilty of this for sure. But there always seems to come a moment when, after bottling all your thoughts up for so long, they just explode and you talk and talk and talk and never stop talking. My best case scenario is that my explosion comes when I’m with Marge, Steph, or Kelli. Marge and I worked at a garden center together over the summer, and when I say “worked,” what I mean is we did absolutely nothing, because there was absolutely nothing to do, ever. Our job title was “Live Goods Merchandiser,” but about halfway through the summer, there were no more live goods to merchandise. Marge and I would end up sweeping for our entire shift, and, inevitably, talking while we did it. I will forever be thankful for the hours we spent breaking our backs, trying to make the most of the garden center’s crappy, miniature brooms, because I’m pretty sure I told my entire life story to Marge by the end of the summer. When I say that Marge listened to me go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON about things I had probably already talked about, I mean she would just stand there and listen to me. And hear me. And understand me. And I’m pretty sure that was the only way I survived last summer. I did my fair share of listening too, and because of that, I have the amazing privilege of knowing some of the things that have made Marge into the wonderful person she is today. In the words of Celine from the 1995 film Before Sunrise, “If there’s any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone. Sharing something.” You understand a person by listening to them. 2. The little things go a long way.Last year, my highly anticipated 21st birthday just so happened to be during quarantine. But that did not deter my friends from doing their best to celebrate with me. Marge and Steph unexpectedly showed up to my dorm with cards, cake, cookies, and their most positive attitudes. We had a lovely socially-distanced dance party on top of our cars, and it was the best birthday surprise I’ve ever had. In the words of Columbus from Zombieland, “Enjoy the little things.” And to be the best friend you can be, do the little things. They make a huge difference. "Enjoy the little things." - Columbus, Zombieland 3. Honesty is necessary, even when it hurts (especially when it hurts). It might seem obvious, but your friends need to be able to be honest with you. No friend group should ever sit around and agree with everything one of their friends thinks, does, or says. That’s just fake, if I’m honest. We all get irrational sometimes, and we need friends around us who will say that to our faces while still being kind. Kelli is the best at slamming you with honesty while making it feel like a warm and loving hug—she’ll tell it like it is, and it might hurt you, but you embrace it because, after all, why would anyone want a friend who won’t tell you the truth? Having a friend who can lovingly look you in the face and say “I think you’re wrong” is necessary. Friends are here to support you and help you become a better person. What kind of help is it if they won’t call you out every now and again? In the words of John Lennon, “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.” Quality over quantity. 4. Always try to make the most of things.Back to the garden center (that place taught me a whole lot). Before Marge and I discovered the sweeping and talking method of making the hours go by, we also spent about a week or so making plant puns on TikTok. After we brainstormed our video for the day, we’d secretly move the plants we needed outside so no one would see us making the video. Then we’d escape and make the video really quickly. (“Escape” makes it seem really serious—it wasn’t. Nobody ever noticed if we were gone. For example, we even completely left the store one day and drove around in Marge’s car to make a TikTok about Kelli mourning her dead hamster back when she was little. When we got back to the store, no one said anything to us. We were “essential,” alright.) Anyway, we made probably around five TikToks before we ran out of ideas. That, and after one of them went semi-viral we decided we had our moment of fame and it was best to retire while we were ahead. Click here to watch our famous TikTok. My point is, Marge and I had a blast making those dumb plant puns, even the ones that totally flopped (#DianthusIsUnacceptable, #AWasteOfYourThyme, #AstilbeThinkinAboutHer, #ThatIsSoRudbeckia). In the words of Zelda Fitzgerald, “She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring.” Don’t be boring. “She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring.” - Zelda Fitzgerald 5. Knowing how to take a joke will make for some funny times. I love pranking people, and Kelli, Marge, and Steph are all great sports about being pranked. For example, a few years ago I had the idea to write Steph’s phone number on every single whiteboard in Blossom Hall, with “call me” right next to it. Kelli and Marge helped me execute it, and that night when we were all hanging out, Steph was majorly confused by all the people calling and texting her. (Someone even threatened her with the “this is such-and-such’s boyfriend. Who are you?” That was funny.) When we were walking out of the building that night, I “just so happened to observe” that Steph’s phone number was written on someone’s whiteboard. And, wait a second, another one! And another one! And another one! And then finally Steph caught on and realized we had done it, and I have to say, it was quite comical. But Steph took it like a champ, and laughed right along with us. Then we moved on to Marge. There was a period of about a month where Steph and I were saying non-existent words around her and when she would ask what we had said (she didn’t always, sometimes she just went along with it), we would say, “you don’t know what *insert made-up word here* means?” And then make up a definition. My personal favorite fake word was “dord.” Marge didn’t know we had been doing that until at least three months after we stopped doing it, but, once again, she took it like a champ and laughed with us. In the words of Joan Rivers, When you can laugh at yourself, no one can make a fool of you.” So laugh along. 6. Go out of your way to be kind every now and again. Are we back at the garden center? Yes, we are. One of the most touching things I experienced while working there (you’d be surprised how many touching moments occur at garden centers—flowers bring out the sentiment in people), was when I dropped my wallet while I was leaving one day, and Marge returned it to me the next day. (No, that’s not the touching part. I would expect any human being to return someone’s wallet. If not, you’re a terrible person.) The touching part was that, a few days earlier, I had been ranting to Marge about how I was broke and struggling to pay for anything other than Ramen noodles. When she handed my wallet back to me, I noticed it felt a little thicker than usual, so I looked inside. Indeed, it was thicker, because Marge had slipped two Chick-Fil-A gift cards inside. There’s nothing more touching than someone listening to your problems, and then going out of their way to help makes things a little easier for you. Truthfully, if all people acted like that—if all people were willing to help each other the way my friends are willing to help one another—I really believe that less people would feel like they’re fighting through life alone. Everyone needs a little pick-me-up sometimes. If you realize someone is down, go out of your way to help them up. It doesn’t take much. In the words of Charles Dickens, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” So lend a hand whenever you can. 7. The scary, nerve-racking, painful, hard moments in life are best conquered together.Life sucks—there’s no way around it. Negative moments will always happen, and we will always have to face them. They are much easier (and sometimes even fun) to face when you have a good friend by your side. I now have the delight of sharing with you one of my fondest memories that I have with Kelli Carroll. One day we were at golf practice together. It just so happened to be the day before a tournament, and it also just so happened to be the tournament that both of our love interests were coming to watch. (People didn’t come to watch our golf tournaments a lot, so when they did, it was cause for nerves, and lots of them.) Well, Kelli and I decided to combat those nerves that we were both feeling by pretending our interests were there in that moment, watching us. We even went into embarrassing detail, describing where they were standing and what they were doing. And before we would hit, we would remind ourselves: “Ok, *fill in the name here* is watching. I got this.” I’m not really sure why, but it was so funny that I couldn’t even be nervous anymore, because I just couldn’t stop laughing. The tournament ended up getting cancelled the next morning, so we practiced all that for nothing. But my point is, if you can find a friend who makes you laugh uncontrollably in a scary situation, hang on to them. In the words of me, “Life sucks. But it sucks a whole lot less when someone is there to laugh at it with you.” Thank you, Kelli, for making me laugh even when I feel like nothing is ok. “Life sucks. But it sucks a whole lot less when someone is there to laugh at it with you.” - Me 8. When you’re together, be together.You never know what’s gonna happen in life. There was a day that I went to the caf with Steph and Marge for the last time, and I had no idea it was the last time. When COVID sent them home, we never got one last meal or one last walk to workouts or one last hangout to watch Nailed It! It was just over, and no one saw it coming. I used to have the luxury of living on the same floor as Kelli, and trudging into her room anytime I was angry, or happy, or had the stupidest thing in the world to say but just wanted to say it. Now I see Kelli once every few months, and the stupid things I want to say stay inside of me because if I can’t tell her, I’d rather not tell anyone. What I’m saying is that your moments with people are limited, and they are always fleeting. I never thought I would want the moments back where the three of us would go to the caf together and complain because the food sucked so we’d end up eating Goldfish and pickles for dinner (#Pineapplé). Or the times on the golf course where I’d be lucky enough to pass one of them on another hole and we’d talk for no more than twenty seconds, or even just smile and wave from a distance, and the turmoil I felt every time I played a round of golf would subside just for a moment and would be replaced with some kind of happiness. I would redo all the hours of turmoil if it meant I could also get back those seconds of happiness that were sprinkled in between. If I could think of every moment I’ve had with my friends that I want back, and I wrote each one on a sticky note, I could cover every inch of the Great Wall of China. (It’s true, I fact-checked it.) (Lol, no, I did not.) What I mean is, if you’re with somebody, be with that person totally and completely, and be damn grateful that you are, because one day you won’t be with them anymore and you will wish for all those moments back. In the words of Maya Angelou, “Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” No moment will ever come back to you, so experience it while it’s here. “Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” - Maya Angelou 9. It’s easy to maintain something when there is effort and understanding from all sides. People want to act like relationships and friendships are hard. And that’s true, but once you find the right people, you realize there’s a way to make it untrue. Relationships become hard when one person is carrying everything on their own. Almost all problems between people can be traced back to someone not caring, not trying, or, worst of all, not showing that they care or not showing that they’re trying. A bond between two people thrives off of three things: effort, energy, and the ability to communicate about those two things. Kelli, Marge, and Steph have always been great at putting in effort, and, they’ve also always been great at giving a heads-up when their energy is too low to do so. Life happens, and life is exhausting. Sometimes you don’t have what it takes to put into your friendship the energy it deserves. That’s very normal, and very ok. The thing is, all you have to do is say so, and boom: your friendship is magically maintained, and wonderfully healthy. I could really take a nose-dive into this one, but I’ll make it simple instead: Care, and show that you care. Respect, and show that you respect. Understand, and show that you understand. Support, and show that you support. It can be that easy if you let it. 10. LOVE.This can mean a million different things. It can look a million different ways. Here’s a little list of ideas of how you can love your friends (or people in general), and show that you love them:
You have the power to make someone’s life better by being a good friend. Use it. You also have the opportunity to connect with another human being who will make your life better. Take it. Be kind. Be supportive. Be caring. Be compassionate. Be respectful. Be loyal. Be loving. “I found out what the secret to life is: Friends. Best friends.” - Ninny Threadgoode, Fried Green Tomatoes
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AuthorMichelle Lori is quite frankly sick and tired of seeing unhealthy relationships all around her, and hopes that those reading her blog find themselves in a happy, respectful relationship (and that if they don't, they scoot and boogie on outta there and find what they deserve). ArchivesCategories |